Monthly Archives: June 2009

Older Child Adoption Outcomes

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Older Child Adoption Outcomes
By Will Robins

Older child adoption can often be more complex and come with more risks than adoption of an infant. In this article we look at some older child adoption outcomes and how possible negative situations can be resolved or prevented.

The first problem with older child adoption is that older children need to be better prepared for adoption. They may not want to be adopted, they may feel rejection from their birthparents, and they may come with a lot of other emotional baggage that prevents them bonding with their adoptive parents. It is also often more difficult for an adoptive parent to bond with an older child. The more an older child can be involved in deciding who their adoptive parents will be the better the chances are of having positive outcomes in the end. If they feel like they have had a say in the decision then they will be more likely to co-operate with the decision.

A lot of adoptive parents who adopted an older child have also experienced behavior problems with the child. For some adoptive parents who have opted for older child adoption these behavior problems have only come much later after the adoption, while others experience behavior problems almost from the beginning. These behavioral problems may stem from the difficulty in adjusting to a new family member, dealing with emotional issues or adjusting to adolescence (similar problems to what many birthparents of adolescents experience).

Older children are also more sensitive to social and cultural expectations and so older child adoption may make them feel concerned about feeling out of place, not being able to fit in with the family, not being able to make friends at their new school, etc. By giving the older child a say in the adoption process, giving them the information they require about the new situation and helping them come to terms with new social and cultural expectations can go a long way in improving older child adoption outcomes.

Another issue that concerns many older children who are adopted is what will become of their relationships with their biological family, including relationships with grandparents, siblings and other family members. It is important that the adoptive parents let them know what they feel about these issues and where ever possible give them the chance to maintain these relationships which are already important to them, as dissolving them may cause more conflict between the adoptive parents and child.

Older child adoption may be more difficult and many parents may worry about older child adoption outcomes, but if the older child is given a say in the adoption process and given as much information as possible about the process, the home they will live in, the school they will go to and any other information regarding the social and cultural expectations then the outcomes may be very positive for all involved.

You can also find more information at adoption photo listing and child adoption.ChildAdoptionGuide.org is a comprehensive resource to help couples with the adoption process.

Fiction Writing Tips – How Do You Find the Time to Write Fiction?

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Fiction Writing Tips – How Do You Find the Time to Write Fiction?

Author: Brandon R. Massey

Whenever an aspiring writer speaks to me about fiction writing tips, one of the most frequently asked questions is: how do you find the time to write?

The answer I want to give, “just do it,” doesn’t quite suffice. So in this article, we’ll examine the matter in a little more detail.

We live in a busy world, with numerous demands on our time: jobs, spouses, children, draining work commutes, TV shows we want to watch, emails to read and respond to, phone calls to family and friends. When you look at your daily schedule, it may appear that you simply don’t have time to write.

Well, I’ve got both good and bad news for you.

The good news: even with a tight schedule, you can still get work done. The bad news? Something in your lifestyle will have to suffer, or change, to accommodate your fiction writing.

There are no short cuts, no easy answers. You’ve got to get creative–and motivated.

For example, do you get a lunch break at your job? Start taking a notepad with you and using that time–even if it’s only thirty minutes–to work on your stories. Do you commute to work via carpool, bus, or subway? Instead of reading the newspaper or listening to music on your iPod, plug away on your novel.

One of the keys to productivity is learning how to identify those pockets of free time during the day, and then using them to your benefit. It’s not as hard as you may think. In fact, when you really examine your daily schedule, you might be astounded at how much you could accomplish.

Can you do some fiction writing while your children are playing, eating, or napping? Could you scribble or dictate a few paragraphs while waiting in line somewhere? Zip out some prose as you wait for dinner to cook?

And yes, you might even have to give up some things. Do you really have to watch all of those TV shows every week? Do you have to spend hours on social networking web sites, accomplishing nothing in particular?

Locate the “fat” in your life, trim it out, and replace it with some fiction writing! Even if all you can manage is just one hour a day, that is something. Do a page an hour and you’ll have a solid draft in 9 – 10 months, which isn’t so bad at all.

You can do it. Really. Starting today.

About the Author:

Brandon Massey is the award-winning author of over a dozen novels and story collections. His special report, “7 Habits of Successful Writers” is full of fiction writing tips and strategies that will help you succeed in writing and publishing your fiction.

Go get your FREE copy now at: http://www.writing-success-tips.com/.

On Vacation…

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An interesting comment was posted today about how someone was disappointed to find articles from other authors here. Meh. I have no qualms about reprinting ezine articles if I think they convey my point of view. If I’ve taken the time to read them and I want to include them here, then I will. No point in re-inventing the wheel.

That said, I am mentally checking out for the next couple of weeks as I want to spend the time with my kids and I want to write. So you’ll find more of these articles coming since I will likely not be blogging during this time.

Gay Rights Are Civil Rights

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Although I live in Canada where most of the gay rights issues have been resolved, I thought, in light of Pride Day yesterday, it’s still important to remember our friends south of the border that are still working towards equality. This article spells this out nicely.

Gay Rights Are Civil Rights
By Maura Cullen

Our biggest tragedy as a country was the enslavement of Black people who were stolen from their native lands and forced into slavery. In order to end this tyranny, courageous people risked their own lives in what has become known as the Civil Rights Movement. This movement was forged on the backs of People of Color and has become a force that has changed the face of America. Because of its success it now serves as a powerful model for every civil rights movement that followed.

There is a saying that history repeats itself and without a doubt that is what is currently taking place in this country with the gay rights movement. People who supported slavery, denied white women and people of color the right to vote, were all on the wrong side of history by denying people’s basic human and civil rights. And today, there are many who are still on the wrong side of history by denying gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Americans basic civil rights.

We are governed, in theory, by a document that allows all citizens the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and where all people are treated equal. Yet it is very apparent that gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Americans are exempt from these equal rights. That is how it is now, but not as it always will be, because as history demonstrates, justice will eventually prevail, but unfortunately it always takes a fight.

This country was founded on the premise of protecting the minority view, of allowing all voices to be heard and to provide equal rights for ALL Americans. Democracy has never been a majority rules proposition and nor should it be. Many fled to this country to escape religious persecution. Now, many of those very people’s ancestors are the same people persecuting gay Americans today.

Same-Sex Marriage

The religious-right has taken it upon themselves to be the torchbearers for denying equal rights to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Americans. They assert that permitting same-sex marriage would jeopardize the institution of marriage. It is challenging to take this claim seriously given that heterosexuals have a divorce rate of close to 50%. You can’t blame that failure on gay people. In fact, it is hard to believe that same-sex couples could do any worse than their heterosexual counterparts in the marriage department.

As a lesbian couple, my wife Dawn and I were legally married in the great state of Massachusetts, which was the first state to permit same-sex marriage with all of the rights and benefits that go along with it. We have since moved to Maryland, a state that does not recognize nor permit same-sex marriage. As a result, we no longer have the rights that we had once experienced in Massachusetts including health care. We are now once again relegated to second-class status.

Yet history is repeating itself. Just as same-sex couples are now denied the right to marry in most states, there was another group of people in our history as a nation who were also denied the right to marry.

It was not until 1967 that inter-racial marriage was legalized. As a result of the case of Loving v Virginia, all race-based legal restriction on marriage were prohibited. Opponents believed inter-racial marriages to be repugnant, abhorrent and an attack on morality. Sound familiar?

In 2006, South Africa became the 5th country to legalize same-sex marriage. This is impressive given apartheid was legal until 1994 and where the impact of unequal treatment is still apparent today. South Africa has done what the United States has yet to fully grasp; they have taken a lesson from their own history and are determined not to repeat that painful chapter by imposing injustice on a different group of people.

Military-Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

Until the 1954 decision of Brown v The Board of Education, legal segregation existed in the U.S. Military. Black soldiers have participated and died in every war this country has fought and has done so with distinction.

The 1994 passage of the Clinton’s administration of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy prohibits anyone who “demonstrate(s) a propensity or intent to engage in homosexual acts” from serving in the armed forces of the United States, because it “would create an unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability.”

To date, over 12,500 gay and lesbian soldiers have been forced out of the military as a result of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”. These soldiers have served with distinction. They are willing to lay down their lives to bring democracy to other countries, yet they are denied equal treatment in their own. Military men and women have been trained to handle all situations and yet we have dismissed 12,500 well-trained soldiers because some of the heterosexual soldiers are afraid they may make a pass at them? The United States military is over-taxed with our involvement in so many regions of the world and we cannot afford to lose so many qualified and talented people.

It is time that we as a country learn from our past mistakes. These mistakes have taken a huge toll on all of us. Some history does not bear repeating.

My Literary Agent Can’t Sell My Book – What Should I Do?

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Although this is not the case for me (thank you Christi Cardenas at The Plains Agency!!), I thought this was an interesting article that others might find useful.

My Literary Agent Can’t Sell My Book – What Should I Do?
By Stephanie J. Hale

So you’ve been signed up with a literary agent. They’ve had your manuscript for 18 months. They’ve sent it to a dozen publishers. But they still can’t get you a book deal.

Now they’re saying maybe you should write another book. What should you do?

Before you make a decision, set up a meeting or phone call with your agent to discuss the situation. You may be irate, but it’s important not to let this show. Record the meeting with a Dictaphone if necessary. It is vital that you hear what they have to say and understand where they are coming from.

Questions you might ask are:

• Why isn’t my book selling?
• Is there anything I can do to make my book more marketable?
• Is it worth rewriting my book?
• Can I see publishers’ feedback?

Afterward, ask yourself: ‘Does what s/he is saying resonate with me?’ For example, if your agent says your book is out-of-date, have you had this sneaking suspicion all along? If they say your plot is too weak, do you agree? You can also ask for a second opinion from a publishing professional or a literary consultancy before making a final decision.

After weighing things up, you may agree with what they say. You may decide to write another book and stay put.

On the other hand, you may disagree. You may feel it’s too much of a risk to write another book, knowing you could face the exactly same situation in the future. In this case, you may decide to represent yourself.

A lot of writers are understandably reluctant about representing themselves. However, there are hundreds of publishers in the world. These include the small independent presses that most literary agents won’t even look at. Just because a dozen publishers have rejected your book doesn’t mean they ALL will.

Self-publishing is also a viable option that has made bestsellers of many supposedly ‘unpublishable’ books. There are so many self-publishing options these days: print-on-demand, ebooks, ‘hybrid’ publishing.

Finally, believe in yourself. Take heart from the fact that a literary agent took you on in the first place. Agents are busy people. They send your book out at their own expense. They really wouldn’t give you the time of day if they didn’t think you had talent!

Stephanie J Hale is a leading writers’ coach and publishing scout. She’s worked with bestselling authors and top literary agents for over 20 years. She specializes in helping writers get the publishing deal and readership they deserve.
More FREE publishing tips at: http://www.richwriterpoorwriter.com

Get Your Child To Listen The First Time

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As an adoptive parent of older children I know very well how a positive approach works. Here is an article I found with some great tips:

Get Your Child To Listen The First Time!

By Toni Schutta

“Shut the TV off.” “I said shut the TV off.” “I said SHUT THE TV OFF!!”

Does this sound familiar? Do you have to say things three or four times before your child finally complies with your request? Frustrating, isn’t it?

You’re not alone. The biggest complaint that most parents have is that their child doesn’t listen the first time.

There are lots of reasons why your child may not be listening the first time. Listed below are five reasons why kids tend to ignore their parents’ requests and solutions for turning the behavior around. These tips come from the online audio class “Get Your Child to Listen the First Time!” which gives you 19 options for reducing your stress by getting your kids to listen the first time.

Reasons Why Kids Ignore Parents

1. Parent error! Any statement that you make to your kids can either be said in a positive way or a negative way. The positive approach is likely to gain more compliance. Negative statements are more likely to alienate or irritate your child.

For instance, you can say: “Look what you just did! How many times do I have to tell you to take your shoes off at the door?!”

How would your child feel hearing this? Ashamed? Upset? Humiliated?

Or you could say: “Shoes stay on the rug.”

How would your child feel hearing this statement?

Probably OK, right?

Solution: Really examine the word choices you’re making. As often as you can, use positive communication when telling your child to do something. Strive to use positive phrases 95% of the time.

2. It’s hard to leave a desirable activity for an undesirable one.

Let’s say your child is playing on the computer and you say “Shut off the computer and come unload the dishwasher.”

Hmmm… Computer?? Dishwasher??? What do you think your child would rather do?

Solution: Empathize with your child about how hard it is to leave an activity that s/he enjoys. Provide the child with a 10-minute warning, a 2-minute warning and then place your hand on the child’s shoulder and establish eye contact to move through the change of activity. Or have the child use a timer. Enforce a logical consequence if your child does not comply.

3. Stressors in the family.

Health concerns, a pending divorce, a death in the family, adapting to a new school, or other problems could be causing your child extra stress.

Many of these problems are beyond a child’s control and so s/he will try to take control back by being more “defiant” to a parent’s requests.

Solution: Provide empathy. Your child is going through a tough time and responding with kindness and understanding will help your child more than “laying down the law.” You should still require your child to do what you’ve asked, but use a soft touch when you can. Provide extra hugs and allow the child to make choices in other areas.

4. Your child’s developmental age.

The developmental tasks of separating from you and exerting power and control are more pronounced during different stages of development. Parents with children ages 3, 5, 11 and 13+ seem to experience the most difficulty.

Solution: Don’t take this behavior personally. Create a mantra like “It’s developmental.” Say this mantra to yourself when your child is being defiant so you keep your cool and stay on task in getting the job done.

5. It works!

Let’s say that you ask your child to pick up the toys off the floor so you can vacuum. Your child doesn’t pick up the toys, so you just clean up the toys so you can get done vacuuming.

What has your child learned? Mom and Dad will mop up after me if I hold out long enough.

Solution: Make sure that your child follows through with requests you make. Set up a consequence for noncompliance and follow through.

About the Author: By Toni Schutta, Parent Coach, M.A., L.P. provides parents with practical solutions that work. Visit www.getparentinghelpnow.com/7mistakessignup.html to receive the free mini-course “The 7 Worst Mistakes Parents Make (and How to Avoid Them!)” The audio class, “Get Your Child to Listen the FIRST Time” is available at www.getparentinghelpnow.com .

Another Reason Why I Love @lilyroseallen

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I totally heart this woman! Warning: this might offend.

Alfie – Lily Allen

Ooooo deary me,
My little brother’s in his bedroom smoking weed,
I tell him he should get up cos it’s nearly half past three
He can’t be bothered cos he’s high on THC.
I ask him very nicely if he’d like a cup of tea,
I can’t even see him cos the room is so smoky,
Don’t understand how one can watch so much TV,
My baby brother Alfie how I wish that you could see.

[Chorus]
Oooooo I only say it cos I care,
So please can you stop pulling my hair.
Now, now there’s no need to swear,
Please don’t despair my dear Mon frere.

Ooooo Alfie get up it’s a brand new day,
I just can’t sit back and watch you waste your life away
You need to get a job because the bills need to get paid.
Get off your lazy arse,
Alfie please use your brain
Surely there’s some walls out there that you can go and spray,
I’m feeling guilty for leading you astray,
Now how the hell do you ever expect that you’ll get laid,
When all you do is stay and play on your computer games?

[Chorus]

Oh little brother please refrain from doing that,
I’m trying to help you out so can you stop being a twat.
It’s time that you and I sat down and had a little chat,
And look me in the eyes take off that stupid fitted cap.

[Chorus]

Please don’t despair
Please don’t despair
Mon frere

The Power of Your Novel’s First Sentence

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I thought this was an interesting article. Those first sentences can make all the difference for me in whether to buy the book or not.

The Power of Your Novel’s First Sentence

Author: Joseph Suggs

Here’s what happens (and I bet you do this too): a book jumps out at you at the bookstore. It might be the colors, an image on the spine, an author’s name, or the title, but something draws your attention and you single the book out of the masses. You glance at the cover, turn it over and read a few lines of the back cover copy. You open the book and read a little of the inside jacket copy, then turn to the first page, and …

You read the first line.

Which sucks, so you close the book and return it to the shelves.

That’s it. That’s how much time you have to hook the interest of readers today. If your first sentence doesn’t capture a reader’s imagination, that reader is off to the next novel.

Of course, if you’re John Grisham or Stephen King, readers will cut you some slack and stick with you longer. You’ve already gained their trust in the past, so a poor first sentence is forgiven. But if you’re just starting out and looking to build an audience, that first sentence is your calling card. It’s your first, and often only, chance to make an impression.

So what makes a great first sentence?

Fortunately, you have a variety of choices. The two primary hooks for a powerful first sentence revolve around character or action. There are a handful of others. However, for the purposes of this article, we’re going to focus on these two. Let’s take a look at action first.

Action refers to movement. Tension, action, conflict … these are fairly interchangeable terms. The point with an opening action sentence is to immediately grab your reader by the shoulders and give him or her a shake. It’s like the first drop in a great rollercoaster ride … there’s no turning back because you have your reader’s complete attention.

Here are some samples:

– The bomb went off under the table of the corner booth at Mindy’s Coffee Shop, where Judge Arnold Cummings ate breakfast every morning at precisely 8:35.

– Sheila Hamilton tugged desperately on the reins but she’d already lost control of the panicked Morgan and it was clear that something bad was about to happen.

– As the car flipped down the embankment, George Luther couldn’t help wonder what else could possibly go wrong today.

– A moment before the lightning strike would change his life forever, Malcom Zebrowski was celebrating his thirty-third birthday with a group of people he’d never met before today.

These samples immediately pull the reader into the movement of the story. Your reader not only wants to know what happens next, but in all likelihood, a number of questions have already sprung to mind, begging for answers. For example, in our first sentence … was the bomb meant to kill the judge? If so, why? Who planted the bomb? What lead up to this moment?

These are all legitimate questions that encourage your reader to keep reading. And that’s the whole point of a powerful first sentence … hook the reader.

So let’s take a look at some character openings. These are based in character descriptions that create curiosity. Your reader finds this particular character so quirky or interesting that he or she just has to learn more. Here are some samples:

– Emily Bauer was tiny in stature, standing only 4′-11″, but she feared no one and those who crossed her spent the rest of their days glancing over their shoulders in dread.

– Max Ristow spent most of his life coping with migraines, until the day he met his dead sister on a beach in Monterey.

– Howard Duncan dragged his right leg when he walked, the result of an accident that had killed both of his parents when he was six and left him with permanent nerve damage to the right side of his body.

– Some people called her a saint, some a sinner, but most people considered Tammy Hathaway a woman of her word.

Curiosity. Wanting to know more. Wondering who this person is and how he or she ended up here. These are all pieces of the character puzzle that a strong opening sentence can kick into gear.

So there you go … two opening sentence strategies to make your novel irresistible to the casual reader. A good opening can be your book’s greatest champion. Give it the love and attention it deserves.

About the Author:

Ready to get started on that novel you’ve been meaning to write? Take a short cut. Read reviews of our top recommended courses: Novel Writing Courses. And if you’d like to see other opening sentence strategies, pick up your free copy of this valuable report: 101 Mesmerizing Openings